Comments on: Codependency, Enabling Behavior, Tough Love

By: Mina Ozkan

Mina Ozkan — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:47:19 +0000

I’m in the middle of seperation from my husband whom I gave so many chances and with my codependent behavior I pushed away and away. I have a 3 year old and it’s been really hard on me. I couldn’t recognize my almost “obsessed” behavior towards him, constantly calling him, never trust him and drove him crazy. He blamed me for the smallest to biggest things and I felt that he was right and I was the one destroying our relationship. In a way, by giving him chances over and over, tolerating so much than a human can and should in a relationship, I taught him that his behaviors were OK.. Now I’m finding out about myself and trying to be in peace with who I am, and how many friends i have that truly love me and support me. That’s my strength and I’m using them to get back to my own self, detaching myself from the silly little world I trapped myself in.
Positive thinking is not always easy, because my husband is a self absorbed person who is very convincing when he says things.. he believes his own way and nobody else’s. that made everything harder and it is still hard. I let my guard down every now and then, but I know with time.. it will be better. I need to love myself and who I am.

By: bonnie spackman

bonnie spackman — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:35:24 +0000

Hello, I am a mother of 5 children and 6 step children. I have seen 2 of my children with different problems of substance abuse. I appreciate any and all help with the “I want to help but not enable”. I feel I make sensible and rational decisions helping them but sometimes I wonder if I am enabling them. We need to help each other with any info on this matter due to the fact that more and more parents and grandparents are faced with this situation daily.

By: Valerie Gross

Valerie Gross — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:46:27 +0000

Thank you for this post! I stumbled on it by googling “enabling behavior.” I am right in the middle of working to align a close family relationship with my “own path and purpose” and guess what: I feel awful! I feel guilty etc, not common feelings for me, which makes me understand how important this is. I believe my “guilty” feeling is just another cover-up for admitting that I have been enabling a terrible condition, not really helping. Changing life-long habits is hard, but nothing compares to the solidity of standing in my own loving truth.

By: Guillermo

Guillermo — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:56:35 +0000

Very good and balanced article.
Our poor and famish ego has much to do with the article.

By: Janet Smith Warfield

Janet Smith Warfield — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:02:17 +0000

Codependency is such a subtle beast. I’ve spent much of my life unlearning the ingrained behavior patterns from my early conditioning – to put others first and myself second. I’ve had to replace those patterns with new ones: taking care of myself first and setting boundaries with others. Yes, it’s tough love and it’s been tough on me. It is far too easy to give myself away to people who don’t deserve it.

So why have I done it? Probably, because it has made me feel important. It is a sense of pride I need to release, over and over again. What I have done truly helps neither me nor the other.

I will never forget the words of a recovering addict I once heard speak, “Don’t ever take the addict’s pain away from him. If you do, he’ll never recover.