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Happy Husband, Happy Marriage

by Seth David Chernoff   //   Spirituality

A few weeks ago I posted an article on How to be a Better Husband, and I received some fantastic feedback. Being a person of symmetry, I couldn’t do one for husbands without doing one for wives, so here you go. This week, here are my top 10 ways to be a better wife – justly titled “Happy Husband, Happy Marriage” (even though this phrase is typically in reverse, geared toward the wife’s of our lives, I felt that it was very fitting for this post).

  1. Don’t bring up the past…let sleeping dogs lay. So often we bring up mistakes of the past to win arguments of the present. Don’t do that…leave the past in the past…and remember, you don’t need to win the argument…perhaps this is the one that you let him win…remember its not about right and wrong, winning and loosing…its about connection.
  2. Give your man his space to be a man, to make decisions and be the alpha-male. We all know that you’re in charge, but just let your husband believe that he’s in charge…just for a little while. Give him the space to be the man you desire, and you may be surprised by who he becomes in the process. Give him space, and give him his freedom from time to time.
  3. Go to HIS favorite restaurant. You know the food sucks but the company will be divine. Don’t complain just enjoy him…appreciate him, and your reward will be far more than you can imagine. A happy wife makes a happy home…and yes it works both ways.
  4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Don’t pretend that you know what your husband is thinking, and don’t make the mistake of assuming that he will know what you are thinking. Good communication is a key element of a happy and healthy marriage. Also, don’t get upset when good intentions were at play. Mistakes happy in relationship but quite often they do with the best of intentions…don’t hold it against your husband, and definitely don’t use it as a wedge or poor excuse to complain. Remember, its all about connection. Of the same note, if there is something that you want, just ask for it…be clear in you communication and don’t assume that he can read you mind (in case you didn’t know – he can’t.)
  5. Keeping a Happy Husband

    Keeping a Happy Husband

    You cannot fix him, he is who he is. We often have this complex in relationships where we blame the other person for all of our ails and then at the same time we try to fix them. We all have our issues, but this is a good time just to accept your husband for who he is. Accept the good and the bad, the glorious and the absolutely disgusting. Just accept him for who he is…and if you have a problem, communicate. Remember, you cannot control your husband, you can only control your reactions to him.

  6. Give him a night out with his pals. Whether its poker, camping, or just good intellectual candy, give him a chance to step away and be a bachelor just long enough to remember why he married you. Let him be a kid and release a lot of that pent up energy…don’t worry, he will actually be a better husband because of it.
  7. Tell him how great he is…believe in him. Yes, your husband has an ego, and although we all know that you are in charge, take a break for a moment and remind him that he is the alpha male, he is incredible, amazing and spectacular…and just the man you need. Make him a priority, don’t take him for granted…sometimes with kids your relationship takes a back seat…mix it up and remember, one day the kids will be grown up and on their own and it will just be you and him.
  8. Don’t complain so much…take some time simply to express your gratitude for everything you have in life. It’s incredibly tempting to complain about all of the little things, but he will appreciate you so much more if you express your appreciation for what you do have instead of what you don’t.
  9. Let your hair down. Get creative and keep the romance alive. A lack of physical intimacy is symptomatic of an unhealthy relationship. If you need to get away, take a trip, even if its only for one night. Find ways to embrace each other with all areas of your being…physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Find news ways to engage with each other and most importantly, just make time to connect.
  10. Do something fun…live, love, laugh. Keep it fresh, keep it real. Life is too short, and who knows what tomorrow will bring. Live it up right now…say what needs to be said and open your heart, let your heart be as big as the world. The deeper your connection and the greater your love…the happier and healthier your relationship will be. In the end, BE YOURSELF (that’s why he married you.)

Share your comments with me…I am sure I left out some good ones…feel free to add them below.

1 Website Comment

  • Wow. Yeah…that ought to make a husband happy. That would make anyone happy. Where do I sign up to get a wife like that…oh wait…I’m a woman. Meh….I’d *still* take a partner who was trained to cater to my every whim like this. Gee..we just need robot tech to catch up to human selfishness.

    Where? *Where* are the godly men who are willing to kneel down and wash a woman’s feet the way Christ did for His disciples? Where are the men who recognize the woman is the more *delicate and precious* (not weaker) vessel? Where are the men who know what an Ezer Kenegdo is (helpmeet…doesn’t cut it)?

    Where are the men who look at the relationship between Abraham and Sarah, and who see that he was made a lord but she was made a *princess*? Where are the men educated enough in the language of Scripture to know that their wives are the “house despot” ??

    1. The past – we bring it up because you husbands fail to adequately resolve anything, so the things have to be re-addressed. You live in America yes? At what point did the Founding Fathers decide to just stop bringing up King George’s past mistreatments of his office and his subjects and settle for the status quo?

    2. I don’t actually have a problem with this advice. I *do* wish husbands would grasp that if their behavior as “leaders” is in conflict with their words, then they undermine their own authority. A leader knows the way, shows the way, and *goes* the way.

    3. This is well fine and wonderful some of the time. But y’all can suck up some Italian now and then too.

    4. We *try* … see your suggestion #1. The understanding of a woman is driven by example and chronology. The ONLY way she can assess a situation is to compare and contrast it with another situation. But you don’t want to address the past, and you’re all too bloody vague when discussing the future.

    5. This is partially true and partially trash. It is true that we cannot pursade, cajole, manipulate, or even inspire you men to become something different. You have to want it. However, the “this is just how I am” argument holds no water whatsoever. You don’t still wear diapers and poop your pants. You learned to adjust that behavior which was “allowed” for probably the first two years of your life or more. You learned a skill/career. You learned to drive. You can bloody well learn to remember birthdays and not blow off requests by us to do something (like taking out the trash), and so on.

    6. No argument. A man should have time with his buddies. Personally, I think the world would run more smoothly if ladies all got together and men all went on fishing trips about one week out of every 28 days…. 😉

    7. This is apparently *way* more important than most women realize. Keep in mind that women do not tend to give praise for you doing anything they feel you were “supposed” to so. Women need to learn this verbal building

    8. If we didn’t have to repeat ourselves (see #1), and didn’t have to deal with men ignoring us (#4/#5), we’d complain less. Try addressing our concerns the FIRST time we bring them up.

    9. a) I don’t know what the single biggest desire dampener is for men, but for women it is undoubtedly feeling like there is some unresolved issue with the partner/target of the potential romantic encounter. You want sex? RESOLVE an ISSUE. Ask your woman “what ONE…(you will have to hold her to one or she’ll digress all over the place…our brains are all interconnected and crosswired like that) issue do you want to *resolve* tonight? Then be prepared to be “done” sometime tomorrow afternoon. Get it right and you’ll have the time of your life by tomorrow evening.

    b) Having said that…Oh dear God…pick up a copy of any romance novel on the market written by a woman. If there was *ever* a place we’d want you to take the genuine initiative, this is it. Keeping in mind that you *muuuuuuuuust* address a) before b) will work out to anything but a fight and cut short plans or an even darker situation that might end your marriage and land you in jail…be that guy who wants us. Not who wants *sex,* but who wants his wife.

    c) If your idea of foreplay is taking your pants off, accept that you suck at sex, which is absolutely a skill and not an intuitive thing. You’ve only got to figure out how *one* woman works (assuming a godly marriage), so pretend she’s a new video game and figure her out already. Women are generally lovers of *variety* … pick a thing and try it and see if she likes it. Expect her to like something else a month later, then come back around. You’ll find a few constants in no time.

    Any animal can put tab a into slot b. You have to do better than that, and it’s entirely reasonable to direct us girls to do better than that as well (if you have a prudish wife, this may take some work, but generally if you start out by *giving* her pleasure, you’ll have an easier time convincing her that you’d really like if if she did whatever for/with/to you.) If sex is an unpleasant or exhausting purely physical experience a woman “puts up with” to shut you up or keep you from straying out of the marriage bed, the fault does not lie solely with her.

    10. Well duh. But keep in mind that the *sacrificial* things we do for you (going to YOUR favorite restaurant, watching YOUR shoot-em-up movie, the ball game, whatever) does. not. count. as “joint time.” You’re *married* .. there must be *something* (besides sex) that you both liked to do before things went south. Do that.

    WE (women) were *created* as the *culmination* of Creation. Without us, YOU (men) were in a state of being that was. not. good. (God’s words, not mine!)

    Quit acting like you’re doing us a damn favor by condescending to be our husbands. Quit pretending you are our superiors *in nature* and conduct yourselves as our superiors in *leadership*.

    WE were created as the piece de resistance that makes mankind the penultimate work of God. WE are the Ezer Kenegdo — a term used only 21 times in Scripture and when it wasn’t used to describe women it was only ever used to describe GOD.

    As a parting note…we were created to *reciprocate*…women reflect. Give us something other than a pile of …. to give back.

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